Saturday, September 17, 2011

Bobble Monsters

Fall is in the air here in New Jersey.  I love Summer and all that comes with it but, once we reach September, I'm ready for the heat to subside.  Let the Sun take a break and have the wind pick up the slack.  Usually, we don't begin to feel that chill in our bones until late September but, thankfully, things have already begun to cool down around here.  Oh yeah, it's hoodie season.

To celebrate the unofficial return of Autumn, the Halloween Bobble Monsters are making their Holidaze debut.  Things things are about 8 years old, and I couldn't tell you where we bought them, but I thought they'd enjoy being photographed outside and displayed here for nobody to see.

First up, we have The Witch.  I've never named these Bobble Monsters before, but I think it would be a more interesting read if I did so right now.  So, let me see.  I think I'm going to name this Witch.. Bridget.  It's not a very menacing name and, in fact, it's my girlfriends middle name, but I've been to Salem, MA enough to know that Bridget Bishop was the first person to be put on trial and executed for being a witch.  So, this tiny green Bobble Monster is named in her honor.  Of coure, the ghost of Bridget Bishop will most likely be making me a visit now, but that's to be expected when you mention the Salem Witches.

Now that Bridget the Bobble Monster has her name, let's discuss her appearance.  She is your typical Halloween witch with green skin, warts, a big black hat and orange hair.  Why are witches always depicted this way?  I've never met a witch but, if I ever do, I'm willing to bet she won't be green.  Actually, if she was green, my first guess would be that she's an alien, not a witch, and that wouldn't even scare me.  No, regular old ladies are much more frightening.  Walt Disney had the right idea when he created the witch in Snow White.  Now, SHE was scary!

Of course, like every other witch ever portrayed during the Halloween season, she has to be stirring some form of magical brew in her cauldron.  What could it be?  It appears to be brown or yellow.  It looks like corn, but it could be oatmeal.  Regardless of what spell, potion or posion Bridget is mixing up for all of us, I know I won't be taste testing.  No way.  Just look at her smirk.  She's up to no good.

Secondly, we have a goofy looking skelaton who we're going to name Femur.  Now, really, is anybody afraid of a skelaton?  What is he going to do?  Witches can cast spells, Dracula bites, Frankenstein has super strength and the Wolf Man is, obviously, half wolf.  When you come across those monsters, you know you're in trouble.  But, a skelaton?  I don't know.  I guess he can bite you or hit you over the head with one of his bones, but that's no different than any other living human being.  So, I'm guessing Femur is a good guy.

See, Femur is obviously walking through the graveyard, and that would be scary if Femur wasn't a skelaton.  Now, had this Monster Bobble been a zombie, then this would be an all new ball game.  Zombies are undead beings who have risen from their demise in search of human flesh.  I can think of at least 9 movies based on zombies and rightfully so.  But a skelaton?  I can't think of one horror flick based around a skelaton.  That's why Femur has to be our friend.

Now I feel bad that I've made fun of Femur and his monster race.  It's not his fault he has no skin or special powers.  He's just a bunch of bones looking for a body bag.  Sorry, Femur.. Oh well, on to the next..

Ahh, yes.. I've decided to name our third Monster Bobble.. Dr. Acula.  Eh, okay, that one sucks.  Get it?  See what I did there?  Sorry, now I'm just being a pain in the neck.  Damn, I did it again..

Dr. Acula is doctor of hematology.  He's a very smart man who always wanted to be a vampire.  He appears to be a menace to society, but it's really just a front.  He recently purchased this Dracula costume from Party City and used his Mom's lipstick as under eye make-up.  He knows a good optometrist who hooked him up with some yellow eye contacts and he bought the fangs at Spirit Halloween.  He looks great, he's even posing, but he's just not the real deal.  Dr. Acula is not a vampire, he's just a doctor..  But hey, that's better than being a lawyer.  They're real blood suckers..  Oops, I did it again

Last, but not least, we have our final Bobble Monster and his name is, of course, Frank.  I was going to attempt a bit more originality, but when it comes to this infamous monster, nothing seems to fit better than Frank.  I guess we can call him Frankie, or even Franklin, but I think he prefers the more classic variation.

This is my favorite Bobble Monster because he's so damn happy.  His smile is huge and, considering I've seen bums dressed better than Frank, I give him a lot of credit.  Really, Frank is an inspiration.  He's obviously gone through some type of head trauma.  His clothes are ripped, barely fit him and don't match.  He was born with green skin and abnormally big feet, yet, here he is walking through life with a smile on from bolt to bolt.  If only we could all be more like Frank.  Of course, come at Frankie with a flamed torch and he'll flip his lid.  There's only so much a man can take.

Even though nobody reads this blog, I hope whoever does enjoyed reading about the Bobble Monsters.  They're all very unique and have their own personalities.  In fact, I think I can make some sort of cartoon based off of what I wrote today.  Maybe they can all be roommates or live in the same haunted town.  I'm not sure yet, and I'll probably never develop the idea, but it's fun coming up with one.  We'll see..

Well, until next time, say goodbye to the Bobble Monsters.  Bridget, Femur, Dr. Acula and Frank all big you a fearful farewell, but I'm sure they'll make some type of return before this Holidaze comes to an end.

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